A story about caring for aging parents.

Self WorthGrief

Sep 7

"I should have a VIP Parking spot"

If you know, you know. Caring for our aging parents, especially those with complex medical conditions, is exhausting. I even impress myself with how good I am at this ER and hospital admission stuff. I got the bag packed with all the necessary items, ready for a few hours or even a few nights. I'm well-versed in medical history, current symptoms, and medication allergies. I have copies of the living will, and I'm named medical POA.

This visit is like the others, with many unknowns, but likely nothing too severe or life-threatening. We will likely take her home tonight and be back on track.

I've gotten numb to the steps. I hear my mom yelp in pain as they get the necessary pokes out of the way to run the labs.

She's moaning; she's uncomfortable. She's hungry; she's thirsty; she's exhausted. I can't take those away. They need her NPO for the upcoming tests.

Why don't they give pillows in the ER? Weird. Don't worry; I brought two because I know this now.

She's been in the ER at least ten times in the last few years. I'm a pro.

I'm sitting in the same cafeteria, eating the same food as I did a year ago when I was with my dad. I thought the same thing at the time: this is a quick fix, likely an infection, and I'll get him back home in the next day or two. Well, he died 70 days later. Never really going home.

As I look around at the new moms being wheeled out of the hospital with their babies in their lap, I can't help but reflect deeply on the circle of life. Within these hospital walls are birth, death, and everything in between.

As a forty-something daughter and mom of four, I'm caught in the in-between too. Caring for chronically ill parents, endless doctor visits, death, handling all end-of-life matters ( a year later, still getting bills for my dad's hospital stay), all while back at home, I'm packing lunches and sending money for the book fair. Building Lego sets, tucking them in at night, and helping with homework.

I'm thankful for these roles. Man, they are complex, but I'm so grateful for the time spent bedside in the hospital with my parents and spent bedside kissing my children goodnight. It's easy to get wrapped up in the other things I could be doing right now but knowing the impermanence of each situation allows this one to be more of a blessing than a hindrance.

I'm able to pay it forward to two people who made showing me unconditional love their life's work. I'll never regret the time I spent showing them love in the last days/years of their life.

Are you stuck in a cycle of fear, worry and doubt?

I provide life coaching services specifically designed to open up lines of communication on difficult topics. My approach is designed with love and light – no judgment or criticism! Through my tailored program of action plans and personal growth techniques, I can help you feel seen, heard and find joy again.